


a love to last forever

by unconditional_potter (orphan_account)



Series: Prompts [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, M/M, Rain, Sad Draco Malfoy, Songfic, Suicide Notes, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/unconditional_potter
Summary: Based on the prompt - "I hate how much I care about you."
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson
Series: Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574839
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	a love to last forever

_Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather_

_Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless_

\----

Draco could barely open his eyes as the day rose upon him. It had been like this for a long time, but today it was particularly worse. 13th December. The day, a year ago, that had changed his life forever. It was like someone had picked him up and threw him carelessly into another universe. If he concentrated enough, Draco could still smell Harry in the room. The smell of nature and parchment, a smell so sweet.

Bringing his knees up to his chest, Draco lay on Harry’s side of what used to be their bed, and buried his face into Harry’s pillow. He was still yet to wash it, he didn’t want to get rid of the smell, a reminder that he was real, and he was here.

This day, a year ago, Draco had come home from work to find his beloved husband lying peacefully cold in the bathtub, surrounded by red. A little note, laid gently on the basin, filled with Harry’s scrawly script.

_‘Draco,_

_I am so dearly sorry to do this to you. I never wanted to hurt you like this, not in a million years. But I can’t deal with it anymore. The voices, they haunt me._

_I love you so much, for forever._

_I long for the day we meet again, and just know that I’ll be waiting for you for the rest of eternity._

_Goodbye, my love.’_

The sight still etched into his mind, haunted his days, both awake and asleep.

He could hear the sound of the rain as it hit the roof of his house. Tears sprung to his eyes at the thought of everything he once shared with Harry, becoming his own. No one to share anything with anymore. Now that Harry was gone, everything was his and his only. He wished he had stayed home that day, been with Harry.

He wished Harry could’ve come to him, confided in him. But he didn’t. And now Draco was alone, surrounded in a house and a lifetime of memories that he used to call ‘ours’.

\----

Walking in the rain provided a relief, even if it was slight. Walking towards the cemetery, a bunch of lilies in hand - Harry’s favourite flowers - he could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Rain fell upon him, mixing with his tears, as he approached the familiar tombstone.

Draco stood before the place was laid to rest, remembering the little time they had together. He remembered the times they used to cuddle in bed, while the rain poured outside. He remembered the picnics they shared on the edge of the water, sharing stories and laughs and love. He remembered how it felt to love and be loved so deeply that it hurt. It still hurt now. The pain hadn’t and would never cease.

Pansy and Hermione had tried to be there for him, tried to persuade him to see a mind healer. But Draco wouldn’t. He didn’t want to get over Harry, he didn’t want to forget him. Forget the way Harry used to smile at him, the way his hugs felt, the way his kisses lingered on his own skin. He couldn’t afford to lose that, it was, after all, all that Draco had left of him. There would be no one else like Harry.

Draco fell to his knees, at Harry’s tombstone, as sobs wracked his body. His hands trembled, and his shoulders shook, as he stared at the words in front of him.

_‘Harry James Potter-Malfoy_

_31.7.1980 - 13.12.2003_

_A beloved husband, a devoted friend, a leader and an inspiration to all._

_Gone, but never forgotten._

_‘Mon amour, pour toujours et à jamais’_

Draco traced over the quote, tears mixed with rain flowing freely down his face. He fingered the wedding ring on his finger, that held the same inscription on the inside of both of their rings. It had become something the pair of them used to say to each other. It began when Harry wanted Draco to teach him some French, and Draco had taught him the phrase ‘Mon amour, pour toujours et à jamais’. A half sob, half laugh tore through Draco, as he remembered the way in which Harry had tried (but failed) to pronounce such a phrase.

He fingered the matching ring that hung on a chain around his neck, Harry’s own wedding ring. He initially decided to bury the ring with Harry, but he couldn’t bear to part with it, and decided to keep it. It was a reminder of the passionate and fulfilling and everlasting love that the two of them used to share, and will always share.

Unaware of how long he was knelt there, he placed the bouquet of flowers he brought with him against the tombstone, arranging them neatly. He rested his forehead against the stone, closing his eyes, and wrapping his arms around it. The thought that this would be the closests that Draco would get to hugging Harry again only made his heart plummet that much deeper.

“Why, Harry, why? Why did you do this to me?” he spoke to the stone.

“It’s, it’s not fair. You promised me! You p-promised me for-forever! But you broke it! You broke our promise. And now, now I’m here alone. It’s not fair!” He yelled, his entire frame shaking with sadness and grief and anger.

“I miss you so much, it hurts to breathe. My heart hurts when I think about you, because all I can think about if that you- you’ve left me here a-alone.”

“Why couldn’t you come to me?!” He screamed. “Why couldn’t you tell me how you felt. I could’ve helped you! B-baby, I could’ve helped you.” He sobbed, bringing his forehead down to the green grass.

“I hate you! I hate you so much! But I can’t even hate you, because I love you too much! I love you so much that my heart wants to burst! I hate how much I care about you! Because it’s not- not g-going to bring you b-back.” Draco ended, the sobs getting deeper, as he cried above where Harry laid.

“I just want to hug you one more time. Just one more hug, one more kiss. Please, Harry. Please! Please…” Draco whispered into the grass, like Harry would hear him.

Draco continued to cry into the grass, time passing him by. He didn’t know how long he was there, until a number of hands gripped him up, and he was pulled into a familiar chest.

“Shh, darling. Shh. It’s Pansy, I’ve got you hun. I’ve got you.” the voice told him, hands running through his hair and down his back. His body still shook with sobs, not subsiding, as thoughts of Harry still ran through his mind.

Harry’s black, ragged hair, his faded and famous scar, his light freckles, his warm smile, his bright and blinding green eyes.

Draco cried, and cried, and cried into her chest, as he spoke to no one in particular.

“Why did he have to leave. I miss him so much. I miss him. Harry…” Draco repeated his name like a mantra, while someone (who he thought to be Hermione, Pansy’s girlfriend) rubbed his back.

“I don’t know, darling. I don’t know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this :(  
> The song referenced is Before you Go by Lewis Capaldi.
> 
> Always know: It's never 'weak' to seek help. <3


End file.
